Today's Session

Basically today was a catch-up session since I haven't been there in almost a month, or maybe longer?! It was nice. Peaceful, really.
Last session I tore out and cut out pictures of my fears from magazines. Well today while talking, I glued them into a really neat looking collage. It had pictures of all of my fears.

It was a nice session.

I almost didn't get to go, because, we live in FREAKING Iowa, and are in the middle of a flucking blizzard. YIPPY SKIPPY. :(

Session 5

Today's session -
For starters I was late at getting there. I was running late plus I got in a small wreck on the way. What a great way to go into my counselor's office, full of nerves. (for real though!)

Another very personal session.

Not much to say about it - but I go next Tues and Fri.

There will be some pointless blogs coming up though haha.

4th Session

Today was a good day. I got LOTS of emotion out (still haven't cried yet, haha, some days I feel like I can, but don't, lol.)

I got to do Art Therapy. It was great. I didn't really get where she was going with what she told me to do but after I was done, it made perfect sense.

Try this.

Get a big piece of paper.
Draw a shape. I drew a big pink heart.
Now, pick 4 colors and off to the side make a legend (what the color means).
Mine were
Pink-happy, Green-fear, Red-stress, Purple-hate (eek!)

Now, take the first emotion and fill in your shape according to how much of that emotion you feel.
And continue to do the other colors.

I learned that I'm not happy, hardly at all. My heart was filled about equal parts of stress, hate, and fear and happiness was just a little corner.

We started talking through things.

She noticed that I never, ever say anything positive, or remotely positive about myself, instead, I'm always being negative. "I'm a mess, I can't draw well. I'm a basketcase" etc, etc.
She told me and made me agree that every time I get ready to say a negative thing - I have to turn it into a semi-positive thing.

I don't think I can do it.. lol.

Tomorrow is session #5.

3rd session

Third session went great. Lots and lots of talking and then we worked on an "anxiety workbook", which is basically a book asking a lot of questions, and a bunch of scenarios. It's really helpful. I love it. A lot of the questions were about family, where I think my anxiety stemmed from.. It was a total eye-opener. Even though my blog description doesn't give the full effect of my session - trust me it was great.

Still no art therapy! They have to replace the window in the art room - it's very drafty lol.

I will be linking some mandalas in my next blog right after this one.

Session 2 .. diagnosis

Today was session 2.

A lot more talking, it felt good to be able to open up to someone who "got it", it felt really good to feel understood for once.

After discussing all of my fears, etc, she did diagnose me [officially] with General Anxiety Disorder & Borderline Panic Disorder. Now, I knew I had both of these for years, but never attempted to do anything about it - until now. I'm so happy I took the first step. It feels great to think that some day, maybe soon, I may have control over my life - something I have not had in so many years. It feels wonderful. She also thinks I have another disorder to do with hypochondria, which I know I *do* have...more info on that as I talk to her more.

My counselor gave me the official date of when I should be "cured", ha! Or doing a lot better anyways. 24 more sessions - which puts up at May 2009. Fine by me.

We did a really, really, amazing 'exercise' today, where we tighten a certain part of our body, focus on our breathing, and then release. We did this to all parts of our body, including our butts, amazingly enough, it helped. I felt the tension just escape little by little. This is a tough thing to do for me because I cannot focus on my breathing for long, I seem to take shorter breaths than what I am suppose to. I guess that is all anxiety related as well.

At the end of our session she told me we will be doing that same exercise at the beginning of every session so we can practice that exercise until I master it... And I hope I do soon! I'm sure I'll feel a world of difference once I get the hang of it.

I was also notified that my next session she will finally introduce the art therapy to me - I can't wait. I think I will really release a lot of stress and anxiety that way.

Friday is my next appointment. :)

Session 1

Session 1 was basically a meet and greet. I went up the elevator, heart pounding, nervous as all heck, filled out numerous papers with a thousand questions on my mental health. I felt so crazy filling out answers to some questions that scared me. ex- "Do you think about ending your life?". My immediate response was "OH MY GOSH, NO!! I'm scared to die!"

So, off I went into my counselors office. She is very nice, very understanding, very helpful.

I shared with her my fears about...well...everything. From my trust issues with family, friends, kids, etc, to my health - and my fears of taking medication. Deep down I want to get over these fears, but I know it will take a lot of time.

Towards the end of the session my counselor talked to me about art therapy for 'calming' and 'relaxing' my mind. In all honesty, if I hadn't had an open mind about this - I would've thought she was INSANE. But I went in with a clear mind (shockingly enough), and think art therapy will really benefit me.

She gave me some really neat sheets with a bunch of different patterns on it, and they're suppose to relax you, and calm you down.

I tried the sheets out after getting home - and low and behold, they do work. I just stand there and stare at them.. It's a great feeling for me to be able to just not think about anything for a minute. My mind wasn't racing, I wasn't thinking about what if, why, what could possibly happen. It was great - I recommend them to anyone that needs a calm, relaxing minute. Let me know if you want a copy of the ones I've got.

First session was wonderful, couldn't wait till my 2nd session.