Nerve Racking Day

I've been having some side pain and TMI, but some weird spotting. Not pregnant, no ovulating right now.

The side pain is on my right side, it goes down my thigh, in my sides and the right side of my back.

I've been suffering with the spotting about 3 days then it stopped, the pain has been there for about 4 days.

So today, I'm getting a U/S on it to see what it is.

I bet I have a cyst or.. cancer. Just because I'm a negative thinker I have to think something horrible. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe it's just a cyst that will go away? Oh I don't know.
I'm very stressed out (and have been for a couple weeks), and a nervous wreck.


Ugh! :(

Blah, kids, blah, stressed!

My kids = stress this weekend.

My middle DS was throwing a temper tantrum, so I left him in the kitchen to do it. I don't want to see a 4 yr old scream like a girl and say he doesn't like me.

I went back out to check on him after I heard a ton of banging sounds. He was throwing CANNED GOODS at the stove! I got him to quit then he started kicking the stove.

Oh boy, he's going to be a fun teen.

I'm just stressed.

That and my 2 yr old will not back off me for 5 mins. If I try to sneak a bowl of cereal for myself, holy heck - they ALL smell it apparently (who knows? They have noses like DOGS!) and run "I WANT YOUR CEREAL MOM!" even if they're in the middle of eating their meal or snack. I just don't eat half the time because I can't get 2 minutes to myself.


Ahh I'm sooo stressed out this weekend.

Sorry for the mini-rant.

Anxiety a'brewin'

First off, I have a crappy keyboard at the moment. I'm going out to get a new laptop tonight or in the morning, and it can't happen soon enough! Ahh.

I have a lot of topics I need to talk about right now.

1. I blew off my counselor last week. Bad, right? I know. :( I was at the building, but the street was closed so the high school teenager inside of me (haha, that was sooo 8 years ago) decided "maybe they're closed!". Yeah right, they don't even close when there's a blizzard out. LOL. So, I just put my foot on the gas and drove the other way. What was so important to me that I had to blow off my sweet, amazing counselor? Nothing. I had an hour without any kids. No husband. No animals. No tv, computer, nothing. I had nothing to do. So, I went shopping. Ahh, retail therapy. It's a lot more expensive than my actual counselor, but that's alright. ;) So now, I need to make a new appointment. I guess I just didn't feel like talking. I just didn't feel like going? I don't think that's weird but maybe it is.

2. My kids are driving me crazy (even crazier than what I consider myself normally), which is bad lol. My DD has a voice that pierces your eardrums when she talks. So....imagine that multiplied by a thousand times when she YELLS or SPEAKS LOUDLY. Yeah, that's all she's been doing today and I'm at my wits end.

3. They think they need to follow me EVERYWHERE I GO. I'm in the office and here comes one. I just need some quiet time to myself. Can I get that? No. They throw themselves to the floor, scream, pull each others hair and hit me. It's really old.

4. DH is working, need I say more? Ugh.

5. I want to get my W2. We're waiting on mine, and go figure, they'll take their sweet ass time to send it out.

Ahh.. I'm stressed.

Breathing Technique

Are you stressed out? Are you sitting at work or home feeling tension?

Try this breathing technique I learned.

* Relax your entire body, while sitting upright in a chair.
* Concentrate on your breathing - watch your chest moving up and down, taking note of every single breath you take.
* Now, squeeze your toes as hard as you can, keep them squeeze until they get tingly.
* Now release them, you will feel tension and anxiety releasing them self through your ankles, up to you calves, in your knees.
* Now, squeeze your thighs together as tight as possible, still taking note of every breath you take.
*Now, release your thighs, you will feel the same anxiety and tension leaving your thighs.
* Now (this is the funny one) squeeze your butt together, as hard as you can.
* Now release and you will again feel the tension coming up through your hips and stomach, then your chest, eventually your shoulders.
* Now, squeeze your hands together as tight as possible, tight, then release them, you'll feel the same stress, tension and anxiety leave your body.
* Now take a DEEP breath.
* Now let it out through your mouth.


Feel better?
I hope this helped relax someone today - I do it before each session and sometimes after. She recommends doing it whenever you can at home (almost impossible with 3 kids here!) or work.

I hope this helped someone!

Session 2 .. diagnosis

Today was session 2.

A lot more talking, it felt good to be able to open up to someone who "got it", it felt really good to feel understood for once.

After discussing all of my fears, etc, she did diagnose me [officially] with General Anxiety Disorder & Borderline Panic Disorder. Now, I knew I had both of these for years, but never attempted to do anything about it - until now. I'm so happy I took the first step. It feels great to think that some day, maybe soon, I may have control over my life - something I have not had in so many years. It feels wonderful. She also thinks I have another disorder to do with hypochondria, which I know I *do* have...more info on that as I talk to her more.

My counselor gave me the official date of when I should be "cured", ha! Or doing a lot better anyways. 24 more sessions - which puts up at May 2009. Fine by me.

We did a really, really, amazing 'exercise' today, where we tighten a certain part of our body, focus on our breathing, and then release. We did this to all parts of our body, including our butts, amazingly enough, it helped. I felt the tension just escape little by little. This is a tough thing to do for me because I cannot focus on my breathing for long, I seem to take shorter breaths than what I am suppose to. I guess that is all anxiety related as well.

At the end of our session she told me we will be doing that same exercise at the beginning of every session so we can practice that exercise until I master it... And I hope I do soon! I'm sure I'll feel a world of difference once I get the hang of it.

I was also notified that my next session she will finally introduce the art therapy to me - I can't wait. I think I will really release a lot of stress and anxiety that way.

Friday is my next appointment. :)